STOP.

If you're Singaporean, you'll understand every word. And laugh.

2009-10-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

1.42am

2009-10-14T10:49:00.001-07:00

Out of sight,
out of mind.
Like desperate cries
tangled in the treetops,
curling around, grasping hold,
grazed by thorns.

I suppose I'm always waiting for something to happen,
or something to leave.
Change happens all the time,
but if the same story plays out for everyone,
why should I imagine mine to be any different?

Perhaps sometimes,
the nightmare is real.

If a girl were named Esoteric,
what a beautiful name that could be.
Fitting enough to reflect her entirety,
understood by only a few and abandoned
by many.

I suppose this is a little dim
and morbid for a late hour like this.
It's 1.42 and I'm writing gibberish.

Do you write to express how you feel,
or because you can't?

Because you don't know how.

A lump in your throat,
a mild hysteria bubbling up to your mouth,
these preconceived phrases to incite how we're
supposed to feel.

Terms of relativity.

Which came first?

If I screamed and no one heard,
would you join in,
or tuck me away?

Or maybe it was a metaphorical scream
to let loose said hysteria bubbles.

I should not be allowed to think this late at night,
nor write.

I'm not a poet not a writer,
neither a lyricist too,
and what I write neither describes how I feel,
or shares it with the world,
because it is merely esoteric.

But there's that feeling,
that preconceived phrase,
If I don't let it out,
...if I keep it in,
I will most likely, implode on myself one day.
And that's a mess I would not like to deal with.

For a minute there, I lost myself.

2009-04-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

2nd day of 2nd year in MCM.

2009-04-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

Dead tired.

I never knew there were so many fun things in life.

2009-04-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

Lol, so pathetic. Ok, so out of my 9 week holiday only this last week has been productive. Guess this is what happens when you hang with a new crowd. I played LAN for the first time: L4D. I rented a movie for the first time: In Bruges and Midnight Meat Train. I walked around Orchard at 11.30pm. I played Rock Band for the first time. I played Guitar Hero for the first time. I sang in front of more than 5 people and not for some school concert. I sang along to the radio obnoxiously loud in a friend's car.

Haha thrilling.

This week has shown me that I need to stop being a hermit and hang out with people more.

Nautilus

2009-04-13T11:59:00.001-07:00

fun day but too many zombies haha,

Sábado, 11 Abril

2009-04-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

I am growing fat. All I do is bake and eat and sleep. ):

Honey Butter Cake w/ Strawberries.

faaaaaaaaaaaaaat. ):

Rusted Pages.

2009-03-23T04:10:00.000-07:00

I have never regretted any time spent with you,

not even when we became stories.

Pale stories to tell over flickering eyes,

yawning, yawning, asking, and then what

happened next, grandma?

Not even when we became,

do you remember the times

instead of happily ever afters.

Not even when I still feel your fingerprints on

my lips, whorls and calluses over dried, bitten skin.

When I peel scabs off and wait for them to dry up again.

I have never regretted saying your name,

not even when I said it so often,

it lost its meaning.

And I forgot.

Why I said it to begin with.

Like the tips of broken moth wings in pearlescent jars,

or the spiral skins of week old apples.

You remind me of a time when nothing made sense.

But we lived on anyway.

And we laughed, crunching on granny smiths

on front porches

on days when it got cold before the sun set.

When we cried,

as brown butterflies flitted despairingly

over the grass blades.

I cannot remember when we lost it all,

or if we had anything to lose to begin with,

but I have never regretted any time spent with you,

not even when we became pale stories.

HAHAHAH.

2009-03-21T10:08:00.001-07:00

Somewhere, it's still March 20th.

2009-03-21T02:35:00.000-07:00

ghujshsdn my favourite heart-tournado tattoo.

...what, dorks + music + fuzzyspiky hair + tattoos. it's a thing, ok? D:

hahahahahha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICKOLAS DON WHEELER! <333

-smishes-

I promised you a muppets keychain, and you promised to come back in August. You keep yours, I'll keep mine. <33333

love,

sudden.

2009-03-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

evidently, cupcakes+sugar+heatyheaty + late nights + stress = pimple outbreak. haven't had on in a while so i got a shock when i looked in the mirror. ):

sleeping early tonight. results at 9am tmr, wish me luck.

love,

jane

smores! cupcakes! guitars! howl's moving castle!

2009-03-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

aka, baking with the best friend post.

So, after 2 weeks of antagonizingly trying to find a day where both are free (crazy JC block tests), I finally met up with Xina and we again, explored new jp. So many nifty things there, I LOVE IT. Had Pepper Lunch for...lunch, surprisingly nice. Bought baking stuff and went over to xina's house.

We have come a loooooonnnng way from bad instant noodles when we were wee!kids, to horrible cookies when we were slightlylesswee!kids, to ok cupcakes last year to AMAZING SMORES CUPCAKES now.

Pictures! If smell-o-vision exists, you would be smiling now.

horrible picture, fantastic friends. hetero sexual lifemates, y'all. kind of.

mixing the melted chocolate into the batter.

the meringue/marshmallow frosting

handsy!xina: "mmm batter"

tada! gooey, rich goodness of a smores cupcake.

lo and behold.

everyday but all i have is time.

2009-03-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

Holiday's are a month in, still one more month to go. Boredom isn't as as bad as last holiday's. Mostly because I've been keeping myself busy with gigs and hobbies. In my sporty/domesticated/music-y phase. So that means, I'm barely exercising, baking at least once a week, and have calluses from learning I Wanna, Move Along, Mona Lisa and Please Don't Tell Her. Pretty fun.

I have set a challenge for myself to climb the stairs to my house everyday. Everyday!

Don't laugh, it's tiring, 18 floors of sweat and lack of oxygen. (:

Making cookies on wednesday.

And still practicing guitar every night.

Erm, I need to finish up my review for AAR and Mraz. I'm sorry Nab. ):

I'll finish up AAR at least by tuesday. D: Really sorry!

So, erm, that's an update on my prettyboring life. Very anxious for friday. Hope all's good. Good luck mon petit cheri's!

love,

jane.

HAH. Suck it, bitch.

2009-03-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this blog then you know who I'm referring to.

49. Chris Gaylor's biggest pet peeve is when people ask if he hates them. If you have to ask, the answer is probably yes.

There, that is my answer.

Rainy weather, domestic!jane.

2009-03-09T04:20:00.000-07:00

Normally, there is no such thing as the 4 seasons in Singapore because it is always Summer. But lately, with the rain and the wind and the leaves, I think Singapore is in Fall-tum. (Get it? :D)

So I decided to hole myself at home, with my friend Shuyin (hi bb) and make some muffins. Mmm cake batter.

Evidently, Nickolas Wheeler agrees with this plan.

Hai, I can haz moar muffins?

Yes, yes you can! :D

Jane.

nick wheeler, you are made of puppies and sunshine and rainbows and sunflowers and frolicking and unicorns and awesome. and muppets too.

2009-03-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

also, it always feels slightly pervish and odd when i crush on him because, you know his name, nick.

but then i remember this:

and who could not fall in love with such a dork?

craziest weekend ever.

2009-02-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

free concert? hell yeah.

free drinks? thanks, but no thanks.

free meet & greet? ok now you're just messing around with me.

you can sit beside me when the world comes down,

jane.

ps: ok, my life pretty much revolves around facebook, twitter, gigs and poly life. as a 17 year old, i'm pretty ok with this.

there is no perfection in me, except maybe clarity.

2009-02-21T22:30:00.001-08:00

it's not that i wait for you

it's that

my arms are doors i cannot close.

'Pussycat Interstellar Naked Hotrod Mofo Ladybug Lustblaster!' - Derrick Brown

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything you do is such a cliche,
yet the sarcastic & judging poet in me
loves you unconditionally.
I push, and you pull,
and the doors remain closed.
Yet I wait with a hope too tenacious
to burn. But dim enough to lay unnoticed.
A juxtaposition, at its best.
I love you but it hurts.

-j

3.

2009-02-16T04:11:00.000-08:00

When I was born,

I promised to give you all the love in the world.

I keep collecting it wherever I can,

but I still owe you so much.

It's a massive debt.

But for you, anything's worth it.

Keep a bottle close to your heart,

not with liquids to make you forget,

but with the fragile mists

of the world's wonder,

and the certain love I've vowed to you.

Whenever you're sad,

release it, and be surrounded

with the faith I have,

that no matter what,

you'll always be amazing.

Life's ok,

keep walking on.

the sky outside is a hazy reflection of my heart.

but that glimmer of light there?

that's you.

<3,>

2.

2009-02-14T03:58:00.001-08:00

they call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone.

but, for what we've become we just feel more alone.

always weigh what i've got against what i've left.

so progress report, i am missing you to death.

even about you guys, your lyrics fit perfectly.

"who's better than you?"

a post a day till my heart returns.

2009-02-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

1) Never enough, but greed is a sin.

in 7 hours.

2009-02-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

What a match, I'm half-doomed and you're semi sweet.

TODAY.

TOFREAKINGMORROW.

2009-02-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

My friends all lie and say-

they only want the best wishes for me.

3, 2, 1 we go live.

T-2

2009-02-08T05:17:00.000-08:00

Two more ~~weeks~~ days, my foot is in door.

I can’t sleep, in the wake of ~~Saturday~~ Tuesday.

progress report.

2009-02-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

a little update blog instead of my usual one liners.

there are three things happening in my life now that make me nauseous, nervous and on the brink of tears.

1) Fall Out Boy in 3 days.

I know, you're thinking, jane why is this making you nauseous, because, i've waited two years for them to back. And now they finally are. and in my head i'm just going, ilovethemilovethemtheymeansofuckingmuch i want to meet them so badly to tell them that to say, honestly say to them, 'you guys make me so fucking happy'. and to tell them that they're my heroes and to thank them over and over and over and forever.

and i'm so worried i won't get to. please, Lord, let me tell them all this in person.

2) Final Speech (& radio too, on 16th) in 4 days.

I'm worried about this because I want to do well so badly, it hurts. I've been working my ass off for this scholarship and i'm about to tear my hair out because everytime i see the term fees and know that by the end of my 3 years, my dad has paid 10, 000 for me to be in mass comm just hurts me so much and i need to get rid of this hurt and guilt. & this speech and this last radio assignment are the last things in this semester to boost up my GPA and I'm so scared, why am I so scared? Lord, please help me to do well for these last two assignments. I'm overstressing myself, please guys, don't go all, aiyah you worry for what sure can do well one, i just need to panic for a while.

3) The possibility of not being in the same class as chanel, farah, julia and lyana next sem.

as lame and cheesy and losertastic as it sounds, i'm not afraid to say that you 4 are honestly one of the largest reasons why i bother to get my ass out of bed and to school, why i don't slam my head into the wall everyday in mass comm. i love you 4 and even if we get seperated i'll always love you 4. i've never felt this much of a part of an actual group in school before. it's nice to belong. i want to continue to have this spot, this group to call my own. don't ever leave or grow distant, guys.

so yeah, that's a small update. in roughly 10 days, all this drama will be over, but so will some good things. and that scares the shit out of me.

i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs,

but i'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

i love you, so fucking much.

3 days.

6th feb 2009

2009-02-06T07:12:00.001-08:00

will forever be known as the day andy hurley twittered me.

word.

brendon totally = scotty.

2009-02-02T07:48:00.001-08:00

So, basically all this is my fault.

2009-01-31T22:22:00.000-08:00

You know what I said previously, about kids who blame themselves for their parents divorce? Yeah, I totally get where they're coming from now.

...wow, i obviously have no life.

2009-01-30T08:09:00.000-08:00

RIP Trickster <3

My dear trickster, you will be sorely missed. You have been with me through so many concerts, oh the wonders you've seen. Trickster, you were there for Singfest numero uno, you were there for anberlin & copeland, you were there for My Chemical Romance, you took the infamous 'nab talking to gerard' photo. You were there for Singfest numero dos. My lovely Trickster, you've sit through endless nights and days and obsessions. I miss you, I hope you are safe in phoneheaven. <333

---------------------

And now, introducing, Scotty.

Now I reached upon a dilemma as to whether the phone should be called, "Cassie" "Scotty" or "Cassadee Scott" or "Scotty Wandell", but in the end, I settled on Scotty. Even though I think the phone is a girl. My phone is going through a sexual identity crisis ok, this is no laughing matter.

I might switch around from Scotty to Cassie. She's cranberry and silverwhite, and I'm still trying to figure out how to love her properly.

Guys, Scotty/Cassie!

writcomhasfriedmybrain,

jane.

Brothers & Sisters 2x05

2009-01-23T11:32:00.000-08:00

I'm about 90% sure that my brother and my custody battle wasn't a battle at all. That it was always going to be bro+me with mom 6 days a week and sundays would be father's day always. But everytime I watch a show with the kids going through their parents getting divorced or a custody battle, I just feel so sad.

Through suppression I pretty much don't really remember much of my childhood cept for little snippets here and there. But I know that despite my parents being divorced I was lucky. We were luckier than most people.

The idea of having parents fight for custody is horrible because then if the parent that the children wasn't living with had won. Then, even though he/she is still the children's parents there will be some part some tiny or large part of that child that is angry at he/she for taking them away and making the other parent sad. Because in the child's mind, both parents should be nice to each other. And the one that isn't is the bully. And by right, we are not supposed to like bullies. But what do you do if you have to love them. It's that dilemma the child is put through that just frustrates me so much.

And this blog is getting way too personal, so I should stop soon.

I just, wanted to say something on here. After watching brothers&sisters, I've realised how hard divorce can be for some children. I mean, I was never one of those kids who thought that because my parents didn't 'love' each other meant they didn't love me or that it was my fault. Though one reason was the incense/asthma thing which I kind of wish I wasn't told back then. Or how I was still sent to talk to a shrink but, considering, I am lucky. And blessed, very much so. And every now and then I feel the need to write it out and publish my gratitude to God.

also, b&s is such a good show and matthew rhys is fiiiine.

and nab, he is welsh.

xo, j.

Men. & Steamboat count: 1.

2009-01-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

Ah Sunday's are always so amusing.

Today, we decided that instead of rotting at my dad's house, we'd go to the gym instead. And I realised how weak my triceps are really, I mean, my biceps and deltoids are pretty defined but my triceps are just flabby mcflabs. And quote, "flapping in the wind" unquote. Lmao.

So boys will be boys and the whole car ride from the country club back to D's was filled with my brother and my dad comparing the definition and size of their arms & muscles. Oh men. It was pretty hilarious cause my dad obviously wins on definition but my brother won't admit it.

I got my Dad's physique, wide feet, broad shoulders. Very manly girl, ok, hard to buy nice shoes. Pah. ):

And my bro got more of my mom's physique, sliding shoulders and stuff. Though we both look like mom but have dad's eyebrows. Hah, hilarious.

My eyebrows are kinda bushy. But I like their natural shape. I need to thin it, never done before leh i scared.

Yeah so back to muscles. My deltoids are defined but my brother's aren't and my upperarms are very lonnnnnnnng. Like longer than my dad's.

My right arm is so sore now but the workout was good and I need to start toning my triceps ok. ): no more flabby mcflabness.

Yeah quite a random blogpost. I'm bored, I have lost the art of blogging. I iz saddezzxc.

PS: Had bak kut teh steamboat tonight for dinner

Since CNY is coming up, I am going to start a STEAMBOAT COUNT. And by the end of CNY i will have grown so sick of soup and fishballs. As usual. : D But never sick of pineapple tarts. /yay food.

Why do i sound so 5-year-old/xina in this post?

-j

C-Minor

2009-01-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

Yeah, one of those itunes shuffle meme, Nab you can attempt this one again ok.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

Shine On- The Kooks

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

The Weight of My Words - Kings of Convenience

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

A Hundred-Year, Minute-Long Intermission (ft. Donny Stevens) - Forgive Durden (AHAHAH APT, SPEECHCOM, RADIO, WRITCOM)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Designer Skyline - Owl City (Ted Mosby...Architect)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

If I Had £1 For Every Stale Song Title I'd Be 30 Short Of Getting Out Of This Mess - Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. (AHAHAHA WUT)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Momentum - The Hush Sound (uh...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Hourglass - The Hush Sound (lol)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

My Friends Look Out For Me Like Family - Christopher Gutierrez (Awww)

WHAT IS 2+2?

My Same - Adele (haha, somewhat logical?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Folkin Around - Panic at the Disco (Lol Xina, idk)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Chicago is so Two Years Ago - Fall Out Boy (HAHA, APT.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Balaclava - Arctic Monkeys (I don't even know)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Sequence:Repeat - March Twelve (This doesn't sound too good)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

I'll Meet You There - Owl City (Again, apt and awwww.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

A Great Parker - The Lucksmiths (...hahaha?)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Message To The World - Story of the Year

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Brat Pack - The Rocket Summer (Aww, this song)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Love Lockdown (Cover) - Patrick Stump (hmm...my interest is love+pstump, so.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco (Eh, you guys are all sins.)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Brothers and a Hotel Bed - Death Cab For Cutie (Omg, what.)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

Now I'm Even Further Away - The Lucksmiths (That's real apt and sad.)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

The Cab - Bounce (snippet) - CitizensFOB Mixtape (No make sense & dnw)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

You're All I Have - Snow Patrol

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Can't Have You - Jonas Brothers (Haha, how heartbreaking)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

America (Chasing Ghosts) - Drive By (What? Will I get married to an American?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Cannonball - Story of the Year

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Message To The World - Story of the Year (wow, same song as the wedding thing, kinda freaky in a cool way).

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Sullivan Street - Counting Crows (idek where that is.)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

Today 4 U - Rent

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

C-Minor - mewithoutYou

you're insane if you don't want to be normal

2009-01-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

bottle up old love & throw it out to sea.

2009-01-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

Happy new year, my loves. Hopefully this year will rock. <3>

yeah lol i opened this up cause i was bored but nw i don't know what to say. uh.

i'll blog later, hot chocolate making brain mushy and warm.

So long, 2008!

2008-12-31T00:59:00.000-08:00

So, New Year's eve...kinda sucky. xD Kinda boring, but oh well, I can celebrate new year's day in style instead~ So, this is the self-obligatory End of 2008 post. I say, good riddance. Because 2008 hasn't been the most awesome year, s'been full of stress and unhappiness. Although, in all fairness, 2007 was awesome, so 2008 could never match up. xD I mean, seriously. Fob, Anberlin & Copeland, SINGfest, MCR. 2007 was AWESOME.

2008- first few months was kinda slow, I experienced the JC life, skipped almost all the classes and lectures. xD But it was pretty sweet, good food, good friends. But doing maths and chinese? Not for me. So O Level results came out and I realised that, wow, I'm really graduating from JSS already. There were tears of sadness-from graduating, tears of joy- from doing well. And about 5 years off my life from the days that followed. Trying to decide where to go, what to do.

And I settled, uneasily, on Mass Communication in Ngee Ann. After a while, I was cursing and swearing at how difficult mass comm was, if you like many others, believe mass commers to just be good at speaking and dressing up.

You're wrong.

so wrong.

But soon we settled into a pattern, of sludging and forcing our way into the realm of hard working media students. And in retrospect, 2008 wasn't too horrible. I mean, on a global scale yeah it freaking sucked, with the earthquake and cyclone, deaths and recession. But on a personal level, I learnt to make new friends, settle differences and I learnt to appreciate all the silver linings and brighter sides. So, thank you 2008, for your lessons, thank you for the ups, I forgive you for the downs. And very very muchly importantly so, thank you for the friendships.

New Friends.

T102/07: I don't always see eye to eye with you. In fact, I hardly ever but you guys are nice. Thank you for being sweet classmates and projectmates. Thank you for ignoring my cynicism and sarcasm. And I hope you guys recognised when it was sarcasm and when I meant it.

The Encyclopedia of Weird: You guys have seen me at my worst, best, and most offtherockers. We've been through Gracom, Webgra, Marketing, and we're still plowing through writcom speechcom, socpsych and radio together. You guys help me tolerate mass comm. And I couldn't survive going to school without y'all. BALLS. I love you 4.

Chanel, you're one optimistic girl. I love being able to ride the bus to school and back with you. You're one tough cookie, and I love you for understanding my lame jokes.

Farah, ma chienne. I remember first meeting you on induction day and you were talking away about Charles and Keith while Denise, who I remembered back then as having multicoloured, techno-ish hair talked about Candy Empire. Who would have though, you'd become one of my closest friends in Mass Comm. You get me through each boring day, your fangirlyness is always amusing. And I never have to bitch and complain when I'm around you cause you always ALWAYS get your bitch on for me. I love you, girl.

Julia, you're really really weird, man. Whoever thinks you're quiet is like, oblivious and maybe hard of hearing. You bring the lolz. Sometimes inappropriately so, but I love you for lightening the mood always. Let's do well for radio, kay? Hahahha.

Lyana, BALLS, I love you, you're like the momma of the group, always watching out for us and tsk-tsking at how stupid we are. But you yourself, you're WILD, man. Hahhaa, I love you and you're kickass-ness. You keep the rest of us balls grounded. Pun intended. Love you, sweethearts!

MCRmy: You guys have been there for me since last year. And wow, I never could have gotten through this year without you guys. Thank you for making SINGfest rock, and 2008 hilarious. <3>

Audrey: Audaudaud, I spend HARDLY enough time with you. You're hilarious and spontaneous and I want to sit down and was philosophical with you. In 2009, we'll spend more time together ok? We'll be psuedo-profound and literary and all. I love you! And all your, "OMG JANNEEE"s. xD You're a rocking chic chick to be with.

Midah: The last-train-homes with you are are one of the best parts of any concert and mcrmy reunions. Thank you for getting me, for listening to my rambles, and my withdrawals. I love you, babe. Thank you for spazzing over Mraz with me, and I can't wait to spaz somemore next year. : D We need to hang out more, ok? We have a spanking new awesome canteen with a subway and waffletown. When you're not too busy you can walk over from SIM and lunch with me. <3

Tracy: Firstly, this year hasn't been the best for you, I mean, seriously. Nab and I were talking at aud's bbq party about how 2008 has been kinda freaky weird, like with your hospitalisation, my allergic skin thing, Nab's eye. D: It was like the blackparade tour of freakishness happening to us instead. But tracetrace, girl, you're a firecracker man! You bounce back fast and you're always awesome to talk to. You're witty and pretty and awesome and I'm pretty envious of what you have with your boy. xD To seeing our boys next year. We better freaking meet them. <3>

Nab: Like you and Trace, eh? I'm leaving the best for last in this list. You have been there for me since early 07. You understand my crazy ramblings, my pseudo-philosophical talkings, my sporadic bursts of I WANT TO START A BAND. You understand my sarcasm (like really, besides xina and shuyin SO LITTLE people know when I'm being sarcastic. ) You understand why sometimes all I need is someone to breathe at, no, breathe with. You know how to cheer me up. Even when all I want to do is listen to sad music and cry. You listen through all my psychotic obsessions. You're one of the toughest friends I know, you're one of my only friends who I know I can confide almost anything in. To more concerts, late night msns, and peninsular/esplanade outings. One day, we'll get something from the legitawesome band shop in FEP. I really fucking love you, hon. <3>

Honorable Mention:

Ros: We grew really close, like twins close in 2007 and that's one of the best things that have happened to me. But in 2008 with our conflicting mass-commness, we grew apart. But yet you're still always there when I need you. May 2009 bring us close again. I love you.

(There's a lot of love in this whole blog post, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside...like I swallowed a kitty).

Keenan, who would have known the psychotic dude with the faux fro at camp or the depressed suicidal lead character in my brother's locvid film would become one of my closest friends. Thank you for all the deep talks, the 2am skype conversations, the millions of loltastic pictures and videos you send me. The music we've composed, the hilarious experience of being in a reality show with you on national freaking tv. Thank you for always making me feel less self-conscious. To a starbucks outing next year! Big hugs, Keenan. <3

Mamat, the spencer to my ryan. The Barney to my Ted, (yeah you're definitely more of a barney than marshall). You're awesome. My best guy friend. I only see you like once a year, and still, I love you, and you always get me. You make me feel better than I actually am.

Niq, Munira, Dee, Renu, Nat, Liyana: If I looked up 'dull' in the thesaurus, you guys would be the in the antonyms category. You make mass comm so much more interesting and fun than I thought it could be. I love you all. <333333

I probably shouldn't do a list thing cause as you can see, I blog a lot. So, instead, I'll do this. The Great Escape, Famous Last Words and Thnks fr th Mmrs remind me of 2007.

For the songs of 2008:

Pork and Beans by Weezer

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

I Never Wanted to Dance by Mindless Self Indulgence

Swim by Jack's Mannequin

Standing in the Way of Control by Gossip

And uh, I know there's others but I can't really remember. HAHA.

Also, a thank you to Neil Patrick Harris, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Owl City, Mitchell Davis, Panic at the Disco, Skins, How I Met Your Mother, illegal downloads and movie uploads and bubble teas among other things. For getting me through 2008!

So long and farewell 2008, you've been a rollercoaster ride. Thank you Lord, for all the blessings, for the great friends and family. Here's hoping that 2009 will bring more happiness and joy, and love.

PS: To my parents and my brother, you guys are always there for me. Through 2008, all my stressing, my breakdowns and freakouts. Thank you for always being there. I love you mum, dad, and kor. <3

I think I've written more than enough, though I have more to say. xD

2009, please be awesome. Thank you Father.

With lots of love and gratitude,

Jane.

(don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you!)

ALSO, PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB"BY BLUE EYES" BRYAR. <3

No you won't disarm my heart.

2008-12-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

I never want to, have never wanted to, will never want to be the girl who dramatizes and moans about family issues. Yes, my parents are divorced. But they both love my brother and I. And they're both there when I need them, be it by phone or in person. And that is something I am very grateful for, and I know, that I am well off. Better off than most.

But being the middleman between them, the tell your dad this's and tell your mom that's of family ping pong makes me upset. It ruins my day and my mood to do anything. And if you ever want me to pass a message, I will. But when you get upset at the message, don't scold the messenger. That's all I need to say.

And I'll be honest with you, I still don't believe in love. Not quite. Which is why I've never been in a relationship. One day, maybe I'll be more open-minded. But now, my heart is a motion city soundtrack song. And I can only describe myself through other people's descriptions of life.

I think Keenan once asked me how I could possibly not believe in love. And the answer is, it's not that I don't believe in it-because I know it exists, and I know people who are truly in love. But I don't have faith in it, not like I have faith in God.

And in the letter I composed in my mind for why I didn't want to go out with Farhan. Well, you quoted me a paramore song. So I'll quote you a Hush Sound song. "I don't want to love you if love leaves me this cold. I don't want to love you if love is this alone."

I'll know when it's right. Or at least, I know when it's wrong.

knowing me I'll probably delete this sooner or later,

I just needed to write it out, tell someone, without having to call them, cause if I do I'll probably say something I don't mean to.

Jsyk, I love my parents and my brother. I would do anything for them, family is the most important thing to me. Which is why I try never to blog about them unless it's to proclaim again and again how I am so lucky to be blessed with such amazing, such awesome parents and older brother(which I am [: ) . But, just needed to get this off my chest, I guess.

every weekend, i get inspired.

2008-12-28T04:27:00.000-08:00

thankyou we_are_cities. <3

"It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone."
-Nick Hornby, How To Be Good

HAI.

2008-12-26T06:48:00.000-08:00

NIQOHL BOUGHT THE MIGHTY BOOK OF BOOSH FOR MERVYN. DARN IT NIQOHLLLLL, AND I QUOTE NATASHA "CHICKS BEFORE DICKS" TO WHICH MY RESPONSE IS "YAR. HOS BEFORE BROS".

lol but i want my noel. ):

(calm a llama down,

calm a llama deep down

in the ocean blue

like a barnacle sitting in a tight spot

laughing like a monkey's arm

pulling like a china boy

caraway caraway caraway tooth

boing tiktak masala

oooooooh)

so obviously me going running is not that pleasant an idea.

2008-12-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

Got my running shoes on and locked up the house ready for a good afternoon jog. Went into the lift and woahhh turbulence. Srsly. Omg, and the lights were out too. Cue me panicking and pressing the 10th floor instead to get out of there.

Jerky landing and everything, i ran out of there and took the stairs down and when I was at the first floor GUESS WHAT I SAW.

Maintenance in Progress

Oh my God, if the lift is under maintenance then why were the lights thingy working and why did it bring me all the way to the 10th fllooooorrrr. /spaz.

Then after a brief, very brief cause it started raining -Psh figures- run, I took the stairs to Shuyin's place on the 12th floor, bummed around her house and took the lift up home. And met some neighbours and had a really awkward conversation with them.

I am the most socially awkward mass communication student ever, ugh.

"Wow, you've grown up so much"

"Uh yeah"

"How old are you now, girl?"

"17"

"Where are you studying at?"

"Ngee Ann Poly"

"Oh, I mean which faculty?"

"Oh. Mass Comm"

"I see, your brother also grow up already ah, woah so tall"

"Haha. Ha. Ha, yeah"

"..."

"Next time you see us we'll be like using canes"

"Hahha, no lah, you're still so...young"

"..."

/spaz

jane

Please Find This.

2008-12-25T07:02:00.000-08:00

"I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING. I WROTE THIS FOR YOU. I WROTE THIS FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU. EVERYONE ELSE WHO READS IT, DOESN’T GET IT. THEY MAY THINK THEY GET IT, BUT THEY DON’T. THIS IS THE SIGN YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. YOU WERE MEANT TO READ THESE WORDS."

you don't have to keep trying so hard.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a happy new year.

2008-12-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

rings familiar, like the softest memory, in the faintest of all hearts.

and sings, O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining.

Merry christmas one and all, may you all be with love ones, friends, family, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. (:

Traditional Christmas Dinner with Mum and Bro

With the whole family looking kinda like this: ^__^

Have a blessed Christmas loves,

jane.

PSF XMAS PARTY 08.

2008-12-22T07:54:00.000-08:00

Oh, tonight I had fun. I finally celebrated my birthday sort of, with schoolmates. I've never done that cause my birthday is always during the holidays.

I had a lot to say about the party in my mind, on the drive home. But sitting in front of Sadyn, I can't think of anything bloggable.

Played some table tennis, if you can call it that. Mostly just picking the ball up from the floor. I realised today that if you wear something you don't usually wear, you keep thinking that people are looking at it. No, it is not vanity, it is worse. It is called self-conciousness, it cripples your ability to be freely enjoying the going ons and the happenings. Like Joe said, "I'm a very self-conscious person. But I don't let my self-consciousness make me a mean person. My self-consciousness just makes me a very...self-conscious person." Well sad, trohman.

Walking barefoot is freeing. If you don't mind the dirt.

Renunation, I'll think of a pretty unique name for you. Like Renuraditty.

Gotta uncuff myself from the grips of self-consciousness, and enjoy a day out properly, for once.

Feliz Navidad,

Janahnation.

Names

2008-12-21T02:01:00.000-08:00

So my dad and I were chatting about the weird names that people give to their children. Like Atomic and Nuclear-nojoke. And I love my Dad, he actually knows about Bronx Mowgli Wentz. And he agrees with me that Spencer is a gorgeous name.

Then he told me that I was originally not supposed to be named Merissa. But rather. Either,

1) Wedelia (nice name but imagine the taunting i would endure-even though i've always loved Delia as a name.)

Which is the name of this flower:

pretttttyyyy flower. oh imagine the taunting. Wedelia Jane Lee.

And

2) Ashley

HAHAHAHA. Can you imagine? I am so not an ashley. Not that there's anything wrong with that name. And Ashley Jane is quite common. And I've always loved AJ as a nickname.

But really, me, an ashley?

Nuh-uh.

So there, M. Jane Lee.

I do quite like my name, I suppose. [:

Owl City.

2008-12-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
Cuz your heart has a lack of color and we should've known
That we'd grow up sooner or later cuz we wasted all our free time alone.

ilyall,

It's my birthday and I'll

2008-12-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

be a dork if i want to.

So, I have finally turned 17. And I'm blogging here right now, to tell you all that I reallly suck. And that is why I am so immensely grateful to have friends like you guys. This goes out to the MCRmy. Especially you Nab. I don't know how you put up with me sometimes. xD Thank you to the MCRmy, for making my secondary school life awesome for showing me the awesomeness of being with people who just GET me. This is an official-as public as this blog gets which is not very- apology for constantly bailing on you guys. For, like being such a bookworm and dork and not being able to go out with y'all all the time. But, and I promise, we will go out next week. I'll skip school stuff if I have to. Because I love you guys. And we'll be friends forFREAKINGever.

And, this paragraph is for Shuyin. Who is one of the sweetest friends I could have ever asked for. You have stuck by me through my bitchy moods, my hyper moods and my panic attacks during exams. You're only 6 floors away. xD And I love you, girl. Thank you for your sweet birthday gift. I totally have 17 reasons why I love you too and one of them is because you bother to remember my favourite colours even though they change every year. You bother to remember my obsessions even though they change with every youtube link I click on. xD

You bother. <3

This paragraph is for the Encyclopedia of Weird. To you 4 balls- Lyana, Julia, Farah and Chanel. Thank you guys for sticking with me this awkward first year. We've survived Gracom, Marketing and WEBgra together. Even you chanel. We're trying to survive this semester together. And I hope that even when we change classes, we'll still go to al-azar and watch Julia fail at eating prata with a fork and knife. I love you all. And we need to meet up soon. Since Farah is back from M'sia.

To Dee, Rens, Munira, Niq, Liyana and my twin sister from another mutha. Thank you for making mass comm tolerable. <3

This is to Keenan. Thanks for being online all the time to kick me out of boredom. And reminding me that my birthday is just a symbol that I am that much nearer to, quote, "sweet sweet death". Unquote. You're a dork and you're awesome. Thanks. <3

This is for my brother. Because I don't know if you know this link but i do know that weird MCM year twos and threes stalk the web to troll our blogs. So, thanks Kor, you're an awesome brother. I love you. <3

This one, is especially for my best friend. Who only figured out my blogspot yesterday, "ihatejanelee? Seriously? That's not emo at all." Xina, we've been best friends for almost 10 years, and it's always awesometeeny around you. You're the weirdest of all my friends, you get me even when I don't say anything. You can tell apart my sarcasm and me actually being mean. Your klutziness and abhorrence of several major brands amuse me endlessly. mainly because I abhor major brands too. Thank you, I love you. I'll see you next week, since you can't go out tomorrow because you're "supposed" to be in China.

This one is to all my friends who I don't have a 'catergory' for. I love you all, you guys don't read this blog but I still love you and I hope that even though I fail at going out and I keep being an introvert that we'll still always keep in touch.

From my very touched and contented smiley-faced heart,

I love you all. Thank you. <3

Just in case my mom and dad know this blog? which is highly unlikely. but whatever. I love you both. You two are the best parents I could ever wish for. <3

CAKE AND PRESENTS.

2008-12-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

: D

It's my birthday, I am happy. My brother is officialllly the sweetest everrr, awww.

A handwritten card! you're probably reading this you stalker, so thank you again again. <33333

so.

2008-12-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

when i was younger i wanted to grow up and be all mature like. this might be because i listened to a lot of golden oldies like cliff richard and stuff. and i always felt like being young = being stupid. so like, i read a lot of shakespeare and i couldn't care about say, enid blyton or roald dahl (oh hey i spelt it right). yeah, don't ask. i still have not read BFG or Charlie & the chocolate factory?

i was a weird kid.

maybe that's why i had only like one friend in primary school.

i love you xina.

oh so the point of this post was because i just found out dr seuss is real?

like green eggs and ham. i always thought like someone wrote dr seuss. but dr seuss wrote dr seuss.

MIND BLOWING, I KNOW.

(that's what she said).

uhhhh, what else. oh mitchell davis is hilar

ious.

he brings out the random in me.

I LOVE YOU, YOUTUBE.

so my mom is complaining that i sleep too late and i should like sleep now cause i don't want any more pimples.

I HATE YOU, PUBERTY.

oh so yeah, wow i'm bored. and my childhood was kinda deprived because i read too much shakespeare. HAH.

erm. so this is me regressing!

goo goo ga ga. <3

Holidays.

2008-12-12T08:16:00.000-08:00

School is over.

I am happy.

For three weeks, I don't need to face you elitist hypocrites.

Happy holidays MCRmy, family, encyclopedia of weirdness, natasha, renu, liyana, diyanah, niq, munira, Keenan and various other friends who do not know of this blog's existance.

that is all,

Evidently, my mood speaks in quotes now.

2008-12-08T00:54:00.001-08:00

"No one should ever ask themselves that: why am I unhappy?
The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything.
If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy.
If what makes us happy is different from what we have now,
then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are,
feeling even more unhappy."

The Zahir, by Paulo Coelho

The thing about beauty is.

2008-12-07T02:12:00.001-08:00

I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us. If the book we are reading doesn't wake us up with a blow on the head, what are we reading it for? We need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us.

- Franz Kafka

Thursdays.

2008-12-04T03:59:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I would like to say that Ms Serene has to be the sweetest, most hilarious lecturer/tutor we have. She's just real awesome.

This is part of her email to me after a typo she made in my results email, "The perfectionist in me is not very happy with myself now... =("

xD so cute (if any of you lecturers are reading, this is meant in a lovingly positive way! :D )

Secondly, if socpsych wasn't on thursday, I could say that I HATE thursdays because of a certain other subject which makes me feel like both a 5 year old child and a very angry, outraged teenage rebel.

xoxo j

This post is NPH approved. OM NOM NOM.

2008-12-03T07:49:00.000-08:00

Funniest, most made of win thing the internet has shown me of late.

GAY MARRIAGES WILL SAVE THE ECONOMY.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Sweet Goodnight.

2008-12-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

I've got a map of your voice tattooed on my skin,

resonating ink into my heart.

Dream with your soul tucked safely inside,

hug hug tight.

There's no need to worry,

we're safe in this forest, you can trust the trees,

there's a bridge over the river,

where your troubles can drown,

hug hug tight.

I do not know how to tell you I love you,

but I know how to say I care,

I care enough to shield you from ill-bearing winter winds,

from the summer sun who wants to outshine you.

What a joke.

We're in a quiet place tonight,

with calm soil and friendly birds,

that sing, sing, look at the love that binds them together,

and they fly, fly off to their nests to be with their winged family.

As I embrace you with my own wings,

hug hug tight.

-jane <3

(don't let the pre-holiday stresses boggle you down, loves)

No offense but.

2008-11-29T05:09:00.001-08:00

Why don't people get that just because I've done well before doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not nervous at all. It doesn't guarantee anything, and I'm still stressed out luh.

Saturdays at home.

2008-11-29T00:18:00.000-08:00

I think it's kind of weird in an awesome way how Singapore cable keeps playing shows that are cancelled. Sad though, I fall in love with all these new shows on star world and search for them on imdb? They've been cancelled for like two years or so. What About Brian, October Road.

Star World, you be cheating mah feelings. D:

Ampersand - opensound

2008-11-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

"if i had your heart tattooed
(despite fears of needles)
i would want it on my hand
so when i reached out to you
the world would see
how i always tried to return your heart
(how you wouldn't let me.) "

-"And"

ignoring the relationship between the subject and the speaker, this is such a sweet love poem.

and reminds me of how much i miss studying lit. D:

Harvey Milk.

2008-11-24T01:34:00.001-08:00

almost there.

2008-11-22T04:39:00.000-08:00

i am 3000 away from my goal.

gotta keep saving saving saving up mah moolah. : D

jealz.

2008-11-21T07:54:00.001-08:00

as i become a social ghost.

2008-11-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

I don't know, maybe it's because I'm not as sociable as I could be. Or maybe I just don't like reminding myself of how I used to be.

It's just kind of sad how my new friends can get along better with my old friends than I do.

Issues on Plagiarism.

2008-11-17T07:52:00.001-08:00

Give someone an inch and they'll take a mile.

I Am A Fighter of H8.

2008-11-12T09:14:00.001-08:00

Anti-Gay, Anti-Family

By DAN SAVAGE

COUNTLESS Americans, gay and otherwise, are still mourning — and social conservatives are still celebrating — the approval last Tuesday of anti-gay-marriage amendments in Florida, Arizona and, most heartbreaking, California, where Proposition 8 stripped same-sex couples of their right to wed. Eighteen thousand same-sex couples were legally married in California this past summer and fall; their marriages are now in limbo.

But while Californians march and gay activists contemplate a national boycott of Utah — the Mormon Church largely bankrolled Proposition 8 — an even more ominous new law in Arkansas has drawn little notice.

That state’s Proposed Initiative Act No. 1, approved by nearly 57 percent of voters last week, bans people who are “cohabitating outside a valid marriage” from serving as foster parents or adopting children. While the measure bans both gay and straight members of cohabitating couples as foster or adoptive parents, the Arkansas Family Council wrote it expressly to thwart “the gay agenda.” Right now, there are 3,700 other children across Arkansas in state custody; 1,000 of them are available for adoption. The overwhelming majority of these children have been abused, neglected or abandoned by their heterosexual parents.

Even before the law passed, the state estimated that it had only about a quarter of the foster parents it needed. Beginning on Jan. 1, a grandmother in Arkansas cohabitating with her opposite-sex partner because marrying might reduce their pension benefits is barred from taking in her own grandchild; a gay man living with his male partner cannot adopt his deceased sister’s children.

Social conservatives are threatening to roll out Arkansas-style adoption bans in other states. And the timing couldn’t be worse: in tough economic times, the numbers of abused and neglected children in need of foster care rises. But good times or bad, no movement that would turn away qualified parents and condemn children to a broken foster care system should be considered “pro-family.”

Most ominous, once “pro-family” groups start arguing that gay couples are unfit to raise children we might adopt, how long before they argue that we’re unfit to raise those we’ve already adopted? If lesbian couples are unfit to care for foster children, are they fit to care for their own biological children?

The loss in California last week was heartbreaking. But what may be coming next is terrifying.

Source:
New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/12/opinion/12savage.html?ref=opinion

Song Rec #5

2008-11-10T07:24:00.000-08:00

Hello, Nab. New music. I don't know if you still read my blog cause its all just cryptic rambilings and music. But if there's one person who does it's you or Shuyin. Hello Shuyin!

New music, right! So in theme with my love for musicals and shit. Have, The Dear Hunter.

Omg so epic.

next up, razia's shadow, epicccc!

jane

ferosh friends.

2008-11-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

Today I had drama. It was incredibly fun.

I miss my secondary school friends. and omg, i feel all bimbotic now. xD

will post more when brain cells regenerate?

in other news: i get it now.

jane.

jsyk

2008-11-05T03:01:00.001-08:00

I am becoming very vulgar and this upsets me.

obsession post numero incontable.

2008-11-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

oh lord, forgive durden may just kill me. D: razia's shadow is freaking amazing.

musicals!

halloweeeeeney.

2008-11-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

what is it with aussies and their ability to look hot as the joker?

presenting, tai @ halloween.

and mgc as a fucking hot joker.

Hanalei - This Is Going To Be The Best Summer Ever.

2008-11-01T05:40:00.000-07:00

to the mcrmy & all the people i've been missing.

Come the spring time,
we will patch ourselves up.
Finding remedy in the sun
and on the bare skin.
Blossoms, black coffee,
and a black cat in the yard.
A better version of ourselves.

The ice is gone now,
so you can shake your camouflage.
Let's make a date with a country road,
you bring the bottles,
and I'll buy the gasoline.
We could drive anywhere,
just drive me out of here.

Half drunk in the afternoon,
staring at the girls
in their summer dresses.
I'm seasonably alright,
I'm seasonably okay,
get out the bikes and ride slow,
stay out late and
fall asleep to rain on a tin roof.

When the sun sets,
anything is possible.
Let's press our bad luck
with romance and alcohol.
We'll meet in the middle
of all our lost places.
To fight the good fight
with naked hearts and
slightly stained teeth.

The ice is gone now,
you can shake your camouflage.
Find some comfort in the warm wind.
If you show me you're vulnerable,
I'll show you a safe place.
I've got some good things
I've been waiting to share

with love and a naked heart,

jane.

Song Rec #4

2008-10-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Since it's almost Halloween, I bring to you,

It's Almost Halloween ( aka panic at the D, on their crackiest crack.)

poke smot,

THIS IS MY THIRD POST WITHIN 3 HOURS.

2008-10-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

someone stop me.

my brain is whirling in a desert mirage

of a giant candy floss cone,

pink and fluffy, sugary high but nothing substantial

and leaving you jittery with the comedown.

social psychology test! writcom! mass. comm. !

also!

There is a bug! Going around FMS. Not an IT bug or a omg-natasha-is-going-to-start-screaming-now bug but the FLU BUG. I am sick. and so is half my class.

To whoever started it. well, it's not your fault but still. PAH.

the three inkblots in my book look like: two girls with the expressions of : O on their face, a guitar with attatched lightning bolt wings and either an ape/gorilla or one of them statue thingys, you know the one in Night at the Museum that always wanted gum?

i should sleep before i drive myself insane, lol no wonder no one reads this.

its like, Nonsensical! Ramblings! of! Jane!

(hey patd, they're cloning your missing 'letter')

In Mass Comm.

2008-10-29T08:16:00.001-07:00

News travels faster by word of mouth than by interwebz.

i.e. lightning(est) speed.

trufax.

"mer-ja-le-hy= MERJALEHY."

rule numero uno.

2008-10-29T07:01:00.000-07:00

¡ never delete anything from previous semesters !

eschucha and repeate. Never. Delete. Anything. From. Previous. Semesters.

¿bien?

right, so now that that's done. OMG I'M SO IDIOTIC. WHY WHY WHY. D:

huh, pete wentz, why why why (won't the world revolve around me) did i delete them?

guh.

a fairly awesome day turned into a fairly pah day. boo.

boo you gc. boo boo boo. stupid jane.

in other notes, IF YOU ARE MS CORDELIA. HELLLLLLOOOOOO, WELCOME TO MY BLOGGGG. nothing interesting here, move along. i suggest checking out ~matthew's blog.

dnw-gcachauntingmyarse,

jane.

or as antonio says ¡ Merrrrisaaaah !

jane

2008-10-26T08:35:00.001-07:00

is sick.

boo.

Song Recommendation #3!

2008-10-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

My Eyes by Dr Horrible and Penny

also known as: THE BEST DUET EVAAAAAR.

Neil Patrick Harris is legendary.

(Felicia Day too. (x )

If you ever have 43 mins to spare go check out Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog on youtube, mmkay. Or pester me to show it to you in school. ok? ok? kthxbai.

any dolt with half a brain can see

the humankind has gone insane

to the point where i don't know

if i'll upset the status quo

if i throw poison in the water main.

jane.

P.S.: Muaaaaaaahahhahahahhahahha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Ha.

Like with Pie.

2008-10-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

I am deeply and madly in love with Neil Patrick Harris.

He's charming.

Handsome.

Sings amazingly.

On Broadway.

Fucking hilarious.

Does Magic.

On Broadway.

Is openly gay.

Has been in a committed relationship with David Burtka for 4 years and going on.

On Broadway.

One of the few child stars not ruined by hollywood and still going strong.

So handsome.

Hilarious.

In the Evil League of Evilness.

He sings amazingly.

He's awesome.

Evidently not a stereotypical gay.

So honest.

On Broadway.

NPH is LEGEN...

wait for it.

keep waiting.

DARY,

jane

Song Recommendation #2!

2008-10-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

Enough with the drama, let's dance!

Wake up! Wake up! - Everyday Sunday

All Time Low/We The Kings-esque christian pop rock. Dancey, chirpy and just the thing you need to wake you up to a happy day. Also, my alarm ringtone. (:

cause i don't wanna keep sleepwalking

through endless days, i've had enough of

going nowhere, God I want to Wake up! Wake up!

Wake uppppppppp!

jane.

Classroom Chronicles for the day.

Today i wore my stockings and black dress to school with my pretty converse. This is what I got.

Matthew: eh jane, you emo today ah?

Me: I'm sorry Matthew, I'm not a music genre today, no.

Bjorn: haha

Matthew: huh?

/facepalm

Just something I wanted to get off my chest, after like what, 5 years?

2008-10-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a really long post and a really personal one. Just a quick disclaimer. In no way do I claim any hatred or grudge against the things that have happened to me nor the people that have been involved in it.

In class for speech communication this week, we had to give a two and half minute speech on either a hobby you engage in or want to engage in and want to recommend to someone. Or, a life changing experience. Through out my decision process for what to speak about, I felt like I was incredibly boring. Cause I couldn't decide if the things I did were actually hobbies and I'm certainly not going to talk about reading bandom fic to the class. So I decided to use the opportunity to advertise TSC.

Of course, then I heard my classmates speeches, they were touching and some were incredibly heart breaking. And I felt so shallow. Of course I don't want anything that they experience/d to happen to me, but I was just wondering you know, has there not been anything significant enough in my life to leave an impact on me? Be it better or for worse.

So on the bus ride home after espanol class, I gave it some serious thought. And I realised that subconsciously, I had been suppressing one important event in my life that unknowingly instilled me with something that I hate.

For about 5 years or so, I've always had this deep fear of being misunderstood, this deep need of other people's approval. I don't need to know that person, I don't need to friend that person, I just need that person to know that I'm a good person. I get nervous about smiling when something good happens to me because I'm afraid of being perceived in a bad way. Yet I crave that sense that, I'm not a failure, you know? I suppose most people would just write this off as attention-seeking or being a suck up. But, trust me, if I could turn of this annoying incessant need for approval, even just for a minute, I would. I so gladly would.

So let me backtrack a little as to what changed me. When I was in primary school, I wasn't one of the most popular kids. I admit that even though I found my best friend Xina and I love her with all my heart that primary school was the years of my life that I hated the most. I was the chubby fat kid with her thick glasses. I was the drifter who never had a clique and even when she had one, she didn't get along with them. I was always the kid who spoke funny, that one who can't stand chinese and speaks english well. The girl with two names. And everytime I would do well in english class, which actually wasn't even that often. I was pretty terrible back then, I spelt tongue and cousin wrongly until secondary two. But yeah everytime I did well, and I wouldn't even react in anyway except for maybe I would smile and people would say, "she's a show off. action lah".

I can't remember specifically when, but probably around primary 5 or so. There was this girl, who was pretty much the only girl in my class who at that time gave a shit about me. Can't remember her name now, funnily enough. And while I forgive her, I can't forget what she did. Like I said right, I was the outcast, never really got along well with my class. So, thinking it was a good idea that girl, let's call her A. A passes out a piece of paper to the whole class (without me knowing of course), which basically had tick boxes. With the headings, do you like jane? do you hate jane?

I won't tell you the results of that lovely poll but you should be able to guess.

My mom eventually found that poll and as I was bawling my eyes out to her in the car she told me that kids will be kids blah blah.

I never really grew out of that approval to see that tick in people's eyes, the yeah jane? she's an alright girl. I can't score well without that voice in my head going, 'action lah, if you're overconfident karma will strike you and you won't do well'.

So yeah, that was my life changing experience I guess. I didn't know I had so much to write and it's insane and I will probably never be able to type all this out. I should probably speak about it too you know, get it off my chest but, that's for another day I guess.

I don't know if it seems like I'm blowing things out of proportions but, that's the simplest way I can explain what goes on in my mind. By no means am I saying that primary school was all bad, it got better after a while, I learnt to 'heck care' and find people who actually would give a rat's ass about me. People with enough sense to not basically proclaim to the whole class, Jane is a loser, you should tell her how much you can't stand her!

Kids will be kids you know, bygones be bygones and what not.

So, next time you think of saying that 'aiya, you score well you worry for what. like that also need to worry, act one lah' think twice? Because the voice in my head literally goes into overdrive and all, 'fuck, what do i do now, i'm not trying to boast or be overconfident, what do you want from me'.

Yeah, wow that was a long post. Thank you though if you sat through all that.

jane.

Song Recommendation #1!

2008-10-22T00:38:00.000-07:00

LET'S DANCE TO JOY DIVISION - The Wombats

I decided that my blog was becoming a bit boring. So, revamp! Of sorts. Starting with: Daily or once every two days SONG REC.

Occasionally band rec if i love them enough.

I am addicted to this song, it is happy dancey, the lyrics are hilarious and it'll get you in a good mood if you're in a right mess.

So, clicky away and listen.

let's dance to joy division and celebrate the irony,

jane.

So it's kind of absurd for me to say this but

2008-10-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

I just turned down Thuya's offer to go to a7x.

1) While I like them, I barely listen to them and its just kind of sucky to go to a concert for a band you don't like ~love.

2) It's at Max P. While I've had amazing memories there, the only things that have kept me from dying there are well, my driving passion for the band I'm seeing. I'm not too ashamed to admit that I will probably ask to get pulled out like a quarter ways into the show.

now i know how it feeeels.

DIYANAH, JULIA, I'M SORRY FOR KINDA FORCING YOU GUYS TO GO TO SINGFEST.

Back to Secondary School.

2008-10-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Two ironically funny things happened to me today which made me question, "did I mess up the time/space continuum and somehow land myself 2 years into the past?" To which the voice in my brain laughed and said, "duuuuuude, you don't even watch star trek."

So 1) Today in IS class, Zayar stumbled into class late, sat in front of me, stared at me for like 10 seconds. And promptly went, "eh, jane, you look chubbier". Which, of course made me go, "D: !!!"

2) 5 mins ago, two of my secondary school friends played a prank on me. Which made me go, "omg jss boys." and "omg i haven't spoken 'really singlishy singlish' in forever".

i.e.

and

not sure if you can read that, but, lol, 'gewd tymmmmes'.

jane.

79

2008-10-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

imisspanic. <3

(i hope bden's bad experience with the weather won't stop them from coming back. this country isn't really that hot.)

if you left it up to meeeee, everyday would be a holiday from real.

2008-10-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

"the truth is maybe im fibbing about a thing or two about what the record means."

WHAT. WHAT PETE, WHAT DOES THE RECORD MEANNNN?

with the symbolism and the nostalgia and donny hathaway and roberta flack and the depression and the WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEEAN?

omg, i miss my literature classes. my overanalytical self is going on overdrive.

sleep good internet badd

jane

Edge.

2008-10-18T09:26:00.001-07:00

photograph by davin youngs

The headlights blind him as he stares straight on.

Can we leave this place,

or will our lives crumble without it?

He wakes up each day with the weight of waiting

drowning his eyelids, saying, don't open your eyes.

You're not ready yet.

And all he wants is to leave.

To find out what's been waiting for him,

to tell his sunday school teacher

that he does know what he was put on this world for now.

The car waits, engine purring,

tank full of fuel for the most important journey he has to take.

The grass in the backyard tilting with the wind,

forward forward. Go on, it's your time.

He stands at the edge of the roof, his dreams beneath him

and the sky above and he's leaning forward, forward.

Ready to take the leap, to find out his something better.

His something more.

The headlights blind him as he stares straight on

and he goes back to sleep.

jane

I dedicate my 100th post to:

2008-10-18T07:05:00.001-07:00

Shan Wee. hahahahahahahahaha, for making me laugh with this quote.

"What are some of your favourite bands/musicians?

Shan: I’m really into the indie, guitar, British kind of music like Radiohead and Arctic Monkeys. But I also like the emo stuff from America like Panic in the Disco."

Panic in the Disco, hahahahahahahhahaha.

I am not actually trying to advertise Mac,

2008-10-17T07:34:00.001-07:00

even though I do use it.

I just really really love this video.

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square hole, the ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, 'bout the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things, they push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

So, I have officially spent my first procrastination day of the new sem, hopefully this time I won't procrastinate for too long. On the upside, I have properly revised the first chap of soc psych. Tmr, 2nd chapter and Writ com. Sunday, Speech com I suppose.

I need to start listening to the radio for my radio report. I am a huge hypocrite for the fact that while I want to become a radio journalist, the radio stations here do actually annoy me quite a lot.

trying.

"more if we make it through

xo"

I will always love you 4, forfuckingever. no hope lost.

I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin' about half past dead.

2008-10-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

"He employs dry humor a lot of the time, and people think he is a bit of a snob, always looking down on them, and maybe he is, a little bit. A lot of the time it's actually that he isn't quite sure what to say, so instead he holds himself back, and other people see it as him holding himself above. He doesn't know what to say, and he'd rather say nothing than risk exposing himself in such a way that he's hurt. And when he's happy, he tends to be a quiet, fierce sort of happy that's intense but that also tends to go unnoticed around most people unless they know to look for it, know that that's just how he is. He tends to be very self-contained and controlled."

Funnily enough, I think this is a fairly spot-on description of myself. Not sure what that says, though.

Today, I had my first Social Psychology & Communication tutorial, fairly interesting. I don't know why people say its a redundant/boring subject, I find it quite intriguing. Gotta read the textbook over the weekend. Written Communication is, daunting, to say the least. I have no idea what I should write for my final essay and my lecturer who also happens to be our class' advisor? Doesn't seem like the friendliest, most amicable person in the world. As rahrah said, she seems a bit, too uptight. Even most of her jokes fell flat and left people kind of, well, uneasy. Guess I just got to read more and practice more then.

I think I'm becoming boring. ):

"I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness""

2008-10-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

i will never end up like him

behind my back, i already am.

Spanish today was fun. Stressful. But fun.

¡Hola!

Me llamo Jane. ¿Y tu?

¿Como estas?

Muy bien, tambien.

¡Gracias!

Jane is tired, tired is jane; to blog about my day. Speechcom looks difficult and so does radio and spanish. Wednesdays = stress? Will work hard. Do my best, pressure of wanting to do well overwhelming.

I need to sort my head out, I'm in quite a 'bad' place now.

i've got troubled thoughts and

the self esteem to match.

what a catch, what a catch.

and all i can think of

is the way i'm the one who

charmed the one who

gave up on you.

who gave up on you.

they say the captain

goes down with the ship.

when the world ends,

will God go down with it?

¡para siempre!

jane.

i've got troubled thoughts and self esteem to match.

2008-10-14T03:06:00.000-07:00

i miss my boys. i am so proud of them though, the two new singles are amazing. Headfirsts, What A Catch, oh my God, Patrick Stump(h), i miss you so freaking much. your voiceee, guh.

[eta: fuck, i would cry now if i wasn't in drama. omg, singing their old hits in what a catch, donnie. oh, nostalgia, you do me in. <3 fbr mates]

and pete has really shown me why i will never stop loving him, his wooorddds. <333

i sense a bit of beatles in what a catch, donnie. fbr, going back to roots? : D

loveloveforever,

jane.

PS: first lecture day=hilarious.

Kevin: -steps into lecture like 20 mins late-

Ms Cordelia: "Oh my God, you have to be kidding me"

Kevin: "...uh"

Ms Cordelia: "Are you drunk?!"

uhhuh,

2008-10-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

so you know that guy who owes me a hundred bucks for the singfest ticket?

he has a really hot voice. xD

yeah, that's all i've got to blog about for today really. who spent their last day of termonesemone holiday watching back to back episodes of how i met your mother?

oh yeah, hypothetical hi-5.

we're almost here again.

2008-10-09T08:31:00.001-07:00

So, question. Why is everyone talking about TAI? Not that I'm not happy for them or being an elitist bitch or anything but, did I miss out on something?

I guess heychris was right, people do love records that are easy to sing along. While I love Almost here the most I guess Fast Times is great. I miss those boys, and I'm so proud of them. Hopefully, bilvy feels that they're finally here. Mike Carden and his comment worried me though but it's probably fake so, yay boys.

peoplelikehappy,

jane.

british comedy schtick.

2008-10-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

ah, nothing like the good ole british comedy to cheer you up before sleep.

oh simon amstell you slay me so with your wondrously rude and impolite humor. you're such a jackass, you annoyed me once but i love you so much now. underneath the big mean curly haired host is a big mean inner marshmallow. <3

sorry, world, i was a little harsh yesterday.

2008-10-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm really bloody terrified for next semester.

I like writing, and I like speaking and I like both of them a lot.

I'm not sure how I feel about having both openly criticised and judged and having the pressure of being good at something i like on me.

All I can do is pray now. (:

Have you watched Little Miss Sunshine?

2008-10-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

If you have, and have been keeping up with my recent influx of blogposts of late, I have discovered the perfect description for the right mess my head is wallowing in now.

spoilers~

You know that scene where Dwayne(after a vow of silence for like very long and wants to become a pilot or something yaddayadda) discovers that he is colourblind? And then the realisation that oh shit ohshit ohshit THIS FUCKING SUCKS is swelling up in his chest and he bangs against the windows of the van, and he is tearing up. And he hasn't spoken in eons but all he does, all he wants to do is run out of the van and down the hill all the while screaming hoarsely because the hurt is swelling up in his chest but he can't explain it, he can't sit there still and just go well this sucks, no he wants to run down a hill and scream and scream and scream and scream and scream until he's done screaming.

and then after he's done screaming all he can do is sit there on the ground and be silent.

Yeah, obviously I don't feel that horrible but.

fuck I am feeling very annoyed and very angry and very irritated at myself for being this riled up and i don't know why and i don't want to talk about it i just want to sit on the ground like a petulant child and wait for the world to make sense again ok. I love all my love ones but I am just very annoyed at the world right now.

bloggingwaytoomuch.

2008-10-05T03:53:00.000-07:00

good reads. (Y)

"Love isn't always big," he says, fingers curling around the neck of his beer, still staring at the postcard with the fridge door open, cooling his toes. "Sometimes it's the one thing that makes sense in your life, like the ocean is blue or pineapple is sweet. But that doesn't have to be something huge--it's just a -fact,- a basic truth about your existence. Like: I love this person, and that is so much of who I am that there is no other way for me to be. I breathe, and I love. I talk, and I love. I surf, and I love. Everything else is real because that thing, that core part of you, is real. It's not romantic. It's just the truth."

(I've missed reading and writing so much.)

didn'tknowineededyouuntilihadyou,

jane

This is not my heart.

2008-10-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

"To stand here and try to fix her life is just a big waste of time. People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. "

me:lancholy.

2008-10-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if humans have a sadness quota they need to fulfill sometimes, or if it's just me being a prissy bitch/spoiled child. Whatever it is, I am feeling sad right now. No, I don't really feel like talking about it but thank you if you want to ask. No, I am not pmsing. It is nothing serious, I just feel sad. In the, sigh sad type, not the life sucks wahwahwah i wannadie type.

I have a playlist on my itunes called, 'these nights we hear the horses, running through the rain.'. It is my sad playlist. i.e, the playlist i play whenever I have days like this.

Here is a song from my playlist. No, i do not condone self-multilation, nor am i sure if this song is referencing it. I just want to show you this video.

Yes, I feel the need to disclaim everything.

drive by

2008-10-04T06:59:00.001-07:00

I am in a bad mood due to circumstances(no, not that) but I just wanted to blog about today briefly before I forget.

1. Finally tried poutine today. Nice. Very very nice.

2. Hello xina i have missed you so.

3. Batman tee is very nice, dELIA's = can trust.

4. Rockery's milk tea will forever be teh best.

5. Singaporeans think Thom Yorke looks like David Cook? Silly people.

[Xina and I went to bugis street and there was this shop with a white shirt and a red/blue dotted picture of thom yorke on it and I went, "Ooo, thom yorke" and the shop owner woman said, 'yeah, at least you didn't say david cook, people have been saying that the picture is of david cook -rolls eyes-' That woman had a very good eyeroll, just saying.]

6. Hot pink is not my colour.

7. Poutine is really very nice.

8. no actually i have nothing for 8.

hm.

tl;dr

2008-10-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hello my pretties, if you're reading this blog, why don't you comment?

In other news.

Today I went out with my twin, natasha. Now, I thought that since I've changed specs and my hair is longer and her hair is different somewhat too, that we would have lost our twin status since people said it was our glasses and hair that made us look alike. But, O, lo' and behold: as we were buying our lunches at bk, the guy-behind-the-counter said, 'are you guys twins?'

us: '-snicker- no'

guy-behind-the-counter: 'sisters?'

us: 'haha, no. hahaha, just friends.'

so hey ho, natasha and jane: tricking innocent bystanders into believing we're twins since jan/feb 2008. still going strong.

Watched Eagle Eye, and I don't care what other people say or what trolls on imdb say, I thought it was a really good gripping movie. Shia's acting was ace and the script was pretty darn good. The way 'she' was 'done off' was the only part of the movie which had me going, 'ehh'. But I loved the part when SPOILERS jerry goes to ethan's funeral and the first thing he says is, 'i'm not him' that was just like, those three words epitomized everything a sibling in another sibling's shadow's feelings. It was so sad. And how accepting he was of it, 'I was always the brother with the lead shoes, you know.'

Ouch.

And, "Ethan learned to walk when he was one year old. That same action took you 18 months"

Bitch.

All in all I loved the movie and locvid has really made me both appreciate movies more and distract me from enjoying movies too. I notice the edits the cinematography the acting, direction, conti issues. But I have to say, I really loved the editing for this film and the action sequences, 'man how do you film shit like that', was what I whispered to natasha.

Reaffirms the contemplation of 'hm, should i take up locvid for third year elective even though i know it is jeapordizingly hard?'

Then, went to n.y.d.c had mudpie and then walked to plaza sing from heeren. Then walked to city link from plaza sing. Then walked to national library from city link. Then walked to bugis and went home.

Fruitful.

btw morningwood's album is sold at hmv. how cool.

also, official official time table is finally out.

Mondays: IS day. 8am-12nn

Tues: Lecture day. 11am-1pm//2pm-6pm and drama: 6.30-9

Weds: Worst/hell day. 8am-2pm (NOBREAKS, ME = Dx) //Spanish at 6pm-8pm (omg: 8am to 8pm in school.)

Thurs: 1pm-6pm (again, no breaks. why liddat, ngee ann?)

Only saving grace? Fridays = no school = me = : D

so three day weekend, i hope. : D

love,

jane

Street Dancing

2008-09-30T12:05:00.001-07:00

I only wish I could be that cool, man.

I was just telling shuyin how i wish I could dance like that, that shit is tight. Ok, so I jump through phases a lot. What can I say, I get attracted to new shiny things like moths to fire. I'm still in my british phase, don't get me wrong. It's just, phooooooey, I wish I could dance like that.

But then again, i also wish for a lot of things. Like, better guitar skillz or, not to be such a social retard in front of strangers. I clam up horribly when I meet my friends' friends. It's like, self-regression or something whatever.

I also wish for world peace. Hah.

In the words of arsenicjade!spencersmith, "generally I try to wish for things that will never happen. So that I never get disappointed when they don't."

ouch.

peaceout,

jane.

PS: I cannot believe I just typed peaceout. /dork

if hypocritisim was a word.

2008-09-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

ugh.

but then a friend reminded me that hari raya is a time for forgiveness. and while i'm not muslim, i should probably follow that too.